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Long time no see!!

Okay, I haven't posted here in a long time because I've been taking care of my dog, who almost died on me twice... and working lots of overtime to pay her vet bills.

She is doing much better by the way. The pacemaker is staying in place.

I joined Weight Watchers a month ago, and so far have lost about 10 pounds. Go me!! I'm very excited about sticking with it and seeing the results. I still have a long way to go, but if I can lose 10 pounds a month I will be at my goal weight in no time.

Here is a picture of me from this past Saturday night, at the red carpet premier of the film "The Suitcase".




People say they can tell I lost weight in my face, but I can't see it. But the scale says I lost weight so I guess it's true. haha!!

Struggle

Every day is a struggle. It's hard to find my motivation. I get all these big ideas about working out and eating right, but then I end up so tired from work that I just can't be bothered. I'm feeling very frustrated with myself. I need to take care of myself, because diabetes runs in my family and I don't want to end up with it. I need join a gym too. I need to just focus on the results and not let anything stop me.

Ugh...

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. My dog was in the hospital for 4 days and needed to get a pacemaker. So I didn't really worry too much about dieting or anything else for that matter. She's home now, and seems to be okay. So now I can get back on track with other stuff.

Today.

Food-wise, I could have done worse.

Breakfast: yogurt and black coffee.
Lunch: Healthy Choice Mediterranean Pasta, salad, iced green tea, 4 small shortbread cookies.
Dinner: ravioli, garlic bread.

Exercise: I think I burned all my calories off during my meltdown at work today. It was just one of those days. I woke up cranky, and then all hell broke lose at work. And I just lost it. The more I tried to keep my cool, the harder it was. I hate when I get like that. But I also hate when people at work just take 50 breaks a day while I'm the only one trying to accomplish anything. Drives me nutty!!! I contemplated a binge, but decided against it. So considering what I would normally do on a day like this, I think I did okay in my food choices. It definitely could have gone completely downhill.

I haven't drank any water today. So I will do so now. I work in a blood bank, so we are not allowed to have any food or beverages in there. And rightly so. But the downside is I don't get the water I should be drinking all day.

Thanks!

To all my friends who added me from my pink_kimono journal, Thanks!! I will still be using pink_kimono for all my normal blogging activities. This one is strictly for my weight loss, (or attempted weight loss!)

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Note to self: My body is a temple, not a funhouse! It shall now be treated accordingly. If I take care of it, it will take care of me.

I want to have energy, and confidence, and health. I want to have focus and drive. I want to find love and happiness. And I don't think I'll be able to do that until I'm comfortable in my own skin. I haven't been comfortable in my own skin in a very long time. I always feel like I want to hide in the shadows. When what I really want to do is bask in the sun. I deserve to be in the light. We all do. I just need to get myself to a point where I don't feel ashamed of how I look.

Before & After -Biggest Loser

bl1

bl2

bl3

Granted, these people did not lose weight in a traditional way. They used an extreme process, and were lucky enough to be able to be in the gym 8 hours a day and have people prepare their food for them.

But be that as it may, it's still an inspiration to show what can be accomplished when you really put your mind and your effort to it.

I don't even really watch this show. Because I always forget when it's on. But I am still inspired by these people and their dedication to changing their lives.

bl4

Here is Jillian to kick my ass.

Food for thought...

Why is it sooo expensive to eat healthy?? I go broke at the supermarket just buying stuff to make a decent salad. It's crazy! I wish I had the space for a garden so I could grow my own stuff. Of course, I'd need a greenhouse in order to do it all year. Being that I'm in the northeast, the weather isn't nice all year. Anyway, it bugs me when I'm at the register and I see how much my stuff costs. And all I have is enough stuff to make salad for a week and a few frozen Lean Cuisine meals.

I would love some suggestions on how to save money AND lose weight. Ramen Noodles aren't exactly going to cut it.

Red Carpet Massacre

I have a red carpet event coming in July, and I'm just hoping I'll be ready. Right now I feel like I have so much work to do on myself to even feel like I belong on a red carpet. The event is still 2 months away, it's not like it's tomorrow. But the time I'm sure will go by fast, and I'm already starting to panic. I need to take some serious action.

The dress I want to wear doesn't fit me. I bought it for new year's eve, and it didn't fit me then. It's been sitting in my closet. I'd like to wear it someday before I die. Preferably at this event in July.

I also have a networking event next Friday night for the New England Web TV Association. Of course I'm not going to be miraculously skinny by then, but I'd at least like to feel like I'm making some progress.

Today I ate a couple of things I shouldn't have. A muffin, potato chips.... all because I was overtired and need an extra boost. I need to just take a vitamin or something instead! Or maybe get some sleep at night. That would help. haha!!

Today.

Let me just remind myself that I need to not weigh myself everyday. Otherwise I just get frustrated and give up. Once a week is more than enough to weigh myself. Okay?? Okay.

Today I ate pretty healthy.

Breakfast: Yogurt and black coffee.

Lunch: Salad, a Healthy Choice meal, and water.

Dinner: Brown rice, a veggie burger (plain - no bun), and lemon water.

Currently tempted by: the cute little lemon frosted donuts sitting on the table.

Exercise today: Not yet, unless you count running around work. Perhaps later I will throw in my pilates dvd. It's only 20 minutes long, and does the job.

Things on my mind today: Wondering if I should switch to the overnight shift. It pays $4 more an hour to do the same job I do during the day. I just wonder if being up all night would wreak havoc on my body and immune system. But the paycheck would be nice.
Fat Pics.



This is from a few months ago. I'm dressed as a Gentern from the movie "Repo - The Genetic Opera". White is not a good color for me right now. I look like a marshmellow.




On the set of the film "Nun of That" with my skinny friend Grace.




At the Relay For Life last year. I didn't want to have my picture taken, but was proud of taking part in that event, and wanted to remember it.

Skinny Pics.




This pic was taken in Los Angeles when I was living out there. I was fitting into a size 12, down from a 16. Obviously I've gained the weight back and then some. Like I said, I'm a stress eater. After I lost the weight the last time, my stepdad was diagnosed with cancer. The weight slowly started creeping back on. His health took a turn for the worse, and I moved back home. He died 5 days later. Then all hell broke loose, and I gained a lot more weight. It's been 2 years since he passed away. I think it's time to gain control of my life again.




This was taken at a movie premier in Beverly Hills several years ago. That top doesn't even come close to fitting me now. Though it still hangs in my closet, waiting for me.




This is back when I was a size 10, about 12 years ago. I felt great about my body back then. Would love to have it back so I can show my tummy with confidence again!